How to Make Love Last
Have you ever believed that you’ve fallen out of love or said, “I still love him/her but I’m not IN LOVE anymore?” Do you find yourself moving from relationship to relationship, looking for the right person who will keep your passion alive? When comfort sets in, do you find yourself questioning your choice or comparing your relationship to others?
Understanding the true nature of love is the key to happiness in relationships. Thanks to research, today we know more about the true nature of love and satisfying relationships than ever before. We know that love does not last; you have to make it last.
In The Truth About Love: The Highs, the Lows, and How You Can Make It Last Forever, Dr. Pat Love offers help and hope to those searching for lasting love. This enlightening guide to the physiology and psychology of love reveals the normal, predictable highs and lows of love, and how many couples sadly mistake the lows for the end of the relationship. Her inspiring true stories and wisdom guide you through what makes relationships work—and how to make love last.
There is no experience more magical than falling in love. Falling under the spell of infatuation is considered by many to be the apex of life, inspiring authors and artists from every culture throughout time. New lovers, under the influence of infatuation, feel like they’ve finally found their true soul mates.
The biological purpose of infatuation is to get you together with a specific partner to meet, mate, and procreate. As unique as it feels to you when you’re in it, infatuation is universal. Lovers around the world report similar feelings and behaviors.
The chemicals of infatuation is fueled by novelty and “firsts,” and this wakes up your brain and lowers defenses. Under infatuation, estrogen-dominant people look, act, and feel like a testosterone-dominant people and vice versa. Non-talkers talk; low-libido people become high libido; and it feels like you finally found the right partner, your perfect match.
Falling Out of Love or Falling Out of Infatuation?
With all these incredible, heart-stopping emotions, falling in love is easy, but staying in love is a different matter. Eighty percent of couples who divorce say they “grew apart” and still love each other, but they’re not in love with each other. That’s because infatuation is a stage of love and time-limited, which means that the intensity, novelty, heightened interest, and sexual energy of this “romantic high” fade with time.
For some people, the end of the infatuation stage comes suddenly with a major disagreement or lovers’ quarrel, but for most the transition is marked by subtle changes over time. Closing of the infatuation stage can be marked by behaviors ranging from quiet acceptance to questioning the relationship. People who equate love with the intense feelings of infatuation feel like they are falling out of love. This often results in the “I love you but am not in love with you” syndrome. Plus, the more times you go through infatuation the shorter the stage becomes because you build up a tolerance.
One of the biggest mistakes we make about love is thinking that love is easy, but for most the only easy part of love is infatuation or romantic love. Confusing infatuation with long-term love creates mistakes that can keep us from the happiness we long for in relationships. When infatuation ends, reality sets back in and defenses go back up. Desire discrepancy often emerges when this natural state of neutrality sets in.
Passion comes easy with infatuation, but creating and maintaining passion in a long-term love relationship takes information and effort. It’s interesting how so many people will say that love is about friendship, closeness, and compatibility, but then they’ll be the first ones to leave a relationship when the passion and energy wanes.
A common misconception is that love is a feeling and you either have it, or you don’t. The fact is that love grows in response to getting your needs met, and there are specific, proven strategies that can help you create the love you long for.
In The Truth About Love, Dr. Pat Love uses research, clinical experience, and real-life stories to form a step-by-step guide for developing skills for creating life-long happiness and passion in life and love. Through her wisdom and with, she explains the biological, physiological, and psychological aspects of love, how to distinguish infatuation from real love, and provides practical, easy-to-implement relationship strategies that lead to long-term happiness.