Improve Your Relationship Without Talking About It
Men are right. The “relationship talk” does not help. Your marriage can fail without you or your partner doing anything wrong. Even with the best intentions, talking about your relationship won’t bring you together and eventually will drive you apart
Love is not about better communication. It’s about connection. The male-female disconnect is the biggest single factor in the soaring divorce rate. Some 80 percent of divorcees say they “grew apart,” but they aren’t disconnected because they have poor communication; they have poor communication because they are disconnected.
Most couples argue about the same issues, such as money, sex, jealousy, raising kids, working too much, extended family, or in-laws. What’s underneath an argument is more likely to tear you apart.
What you’re fighting about isn’t really what you’re fighting about.
The reason for this is the different ways men and women cope with two unconscious emotions: fear and shame. A woman’s vulnerability to fear and anxiety makes her draw closer, while a man’s subtle sensitivity to shame and failure makes him pull away in response. This is why so many married couples fall into the archetypal roles of nagging wife and stonewalling husband, and why improving a marriage cannot happen through words.
In this critically acclaimed book, Dr. Patricia Love and Dr. Steven Stosny walk you through the research and thoroughly explain why and how fear and shame are ultimately responsible for poor communication, fear of intimacy, addiction, affairs, abuse, and most divorce.
Understanding each other’s core vulnerabilities and learning how to manage them will give you a new perspective on your relationship. This book will show you how to regain the kind of connection you had when you were first in love, but on a much deeper level. It will guide you and your partner to the gut-level emotional sensitivity that brought you together in the first place, and will enable you to forge the deeper connection for which your hearts secretly and powerfully ache—a love beyond words.
Women: Learn How to Forge a Closer Connection without Driving Your Man Away
Men: Learn How to Strengthen Your Marriage without Becoming Women!
Part I of this book will show how fear and shame have kept you both from getting what you want most out of your lives together. Part II will show you how to use your fear and shame to love each other more deeply than ever before, without asking your partner to make even one change. Solidly based on neuroscience and social-science research, How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It explains how a new understanding, combined with a set of brief, routine behaviors, is guaranteed to strengthen your marriage or committed relationship and help you connect and find love without words.